I think I said something a while ago about writing on here more often. I guess my MO is, unless I have specific revelations about certain things then I don't blog them...I figure people don't want to read them. But on the other hand my sweet friend Sarah blogs about daily life and her kids all the tiem and that's been fun to read. So, I don't know...here goes, maybe all the wrestling in my head will make more sense "on paper."

I wanted so badly to have momentum going into this new year, and I think I did. I got to sing at a private party for New Years and spent it with my dear dear friend Ashey =) She was the perfeect wing woman. My friend Perry, who I met at the Open Mic Competition I did back in August, backed me on guitar and it was awesome =) Everyone loved it.

Between the beginning of December and now, I've booked more gigs, talked to more artists, have a couple of people (by their own volition) doing promotions for me (shout out to Joe Kim) and I THOUGHT I was going to be able to go to Dallas to record with a recording artist named Chris August. He has an awesome voice, cool songs, sounds like a lot of fun. Well, unfortunately (like a lot of things in the industry) it fell through. I think it was God though. Not going to Dallas means I can now go skiing with my family (which I haven't done since I graduated college). We're going to Lake Tahoe, which I've never been to but have salivated over the many pictures I've seen. You can guarantee I'll be be bringing my cameras!!

It's hard sometimes to focus on your dream. The moment you make any sort of boundary to work within, there's always life events and people on the other side of it testing the limits. I feel like I've been pretty steadfast, however, it's almost been to a point where I don't have fun. I know life isn't ALL fun, but it's the FUN (in a godly way of speaking) stuff that refreshes our brains, our imaginative units, and gives us the boost we need for creative energy. So, while Dallas is no longer an option, skiing in Tahoe might inspire some new things even more than if I had gone to record.

Honestly I'm hurt by that whole thing. But, if that's what is to be expected in future circumstances I'm gonna have to buck up. I don't know why I feel called to one of the most difficult industries on the planet. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just put everything down and glorify God some other way. Granted I don't have a pistol to my head, no one is twisting my arm, or anything like that...but I know that if I did put it down I would feel like half a person. There is just too much good stuff going on now and I can't let something like the whole Dallas thing get the best of me.
I do hope, by the grace of God, that my friends will be able to say they "knew me when."

    I sometimes contemplate, like most girls, about the future and more specifically the future with a man with whom I'll be sharing that future.  I used to want to get married so badly, used to want to have that one person to walk through the rest of life with, hand in hand, in Christ.  Now, I'm very content as a single woman.  I'm twenty-five years old and for the first time in my life (first year in my whole life) I don't know that I want to get married any time soon.  All the times I moaned and complained and wished and hoped and commiserated with other women was such a waste!  Jesus said it quite perfectly in Matthew when he talks about worrying about clothes and food and he says "Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own." 

    Well, the other day I was thinking about the innate trigger God puts in us where we "just know" when it's the right person.  Most often women are attracted to looks and charm and money...there's even a song on the radio (I don't know by whom) but the chorus sings "girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money."  As a Christian woman I'd like to say that's not true, that what I value is a godly character, a kind spirit, a generous heart, a passion for God and someone who can lead a relationship.  Andy Stanly (NorthPoint Ministries) points out that it's usually the things that "capture" our attention that lead us down a rocky road to a dead end rather than the things that we choose to pay attention to--that our final destination does not have to do with our intention rather it has to do with the path we are choosing to walk.

    With all this introspection going on you'd hope there was a 2X4 revelation about to smack me upside the head.
It was in the middle of thinking about how I'd "loved" people, guys, before but that I didn't know what it was to
"be in love."  And WHAM.  That's when it hit me....I should already know what that's like because it should be with Jesus first! And I love Jesus, he's awesome, I wouldn't be where I am at emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally if he'd not graciously stood on the opposite side of my heart's door and knocked persistently.  Certainly I praise his name, worship him, try to do and be all that he's called me to be and yes that's obedience; he said "if you love me, you will obey my commands." (John 14:15)  Yet he said "if you love me" and I'm looking for that deeper place where I am "IN love" with him. Enamored...and I can't say that I am, truthfully, which made me sad when it first hit me.  I've been seven years saved and four and half years under lordship serving God......and though there are times when he has "ransomed my heart" it's been at singular times...

So I guess this is the mission for this season: